What an Amazing Year

What a fucking fantastic year! Despite having the worst economic situtaion since nobody alive know when, and the passing of the Greatest Artist of All Time...this was a pretty phenomenal year.

In January I saw the first black man become President.

I don't even need to say anymore about that.

Vampires captured a nation. More icons died this summer than I don't know what! We lost a Kennedy, Ms. Buns of Steel, and Michael. For Christmas the Pope got knocked the fuck out! Oprah announced that she's ending her show as we know it and going to cable. Brittany Murphy died too young. A Nigerian is now on the terrorist list with Al Queda. There was a diabolical black serial killer. Everybody found out how much stoking Tiger's been doing. (And sadly to say...too many people were addicted to hearing and talking about it...)Dick Cheney talked entirely too much, and Sarah Palin is still dumb (she even put a book out to prove just how much...in her own words.) As if a Black President wasn't enough, Disney put out a Black Princess...(I went it see it...wasn't impressed.) They sent the parents of the boy in the bubble to jail....and they soaked up every piece of camera time they could. The economy ate jobs like the Cookie Monster eats Chips Ahoy, and Showtime actually came out with two good HBO quality shows. The Sex and the City movie came out...and women all over the country got dressed up and went to see it...and it was AWESOME! (Even though...personally...if a guy stands me up at the alter we can't ever speak again...)

What an amazing year.

with a year like this one, who knows what 2010 has in store? I can't wait to see.

It's Been a Long Time

It's been a long time, but I haven't forgotten. So many wonderful and so many awful things have been happening, it's a wonder I'm still sane, let alone able to write on this blog. I've been reading, writing, (*drinking), and doing all of the requisite activities people have who are going through a lot.

What does it seem that the Holidays bring about this whole weight of garbage? This recession isn't helping any at all. Many are STRESSED the hell out, and I am no exception. Overwhelming feelings of all the things I have to do have me feeling as if everyday is an out-of-body experience. I'll be glad when the holidays are over and everything can just go back to normal.

Some of the wonderful reasons that I haven't been able to jog on and rant as often is because I'm become quite the social butterfly and have next to no time to sit down and write on this blog. I mean...I am writing reviews for a literature site...but aside from that...a diva is OUT! (Macy's has become my new sanctuary...)

Well, with the death of Chris Henry, the scandals of Tiger Woods, and holiday shopping there need not be anything more stated.

Happy Holidays...and stay stressed free.

Precious

Last night I went out with my girls and watched the highly anticipated premier of "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire".

I am a HUGE fan of the book. The movie...not so much.

"Push" is the gritty story about Clariece "Precious" Jones who is illiterate, sexually, physically, emotionally, and psychologically abused by both her mother and father. Ths contemporary "The Color Purple" is brutal, honest, eye-opening, and inspirational. The film is not.

I was surprised at how funny the movie was. In the book, Mary Johnson - Precious' mother, is a heinous monster. Comedienne Mo'nique played the role realistically even if comical. I expected to cry my eyes out and instead I cracked up laughing. The movie is a sugar-coated version of the book but it will still leave those who hadn't read the book feeling the abuse Precious endures.

Another disappointing aspect of the book was that if took some of the serious themes and almost made it cartoonish. Myself and many of my friends felt we saw a lot of our own mothers in Precious' mother. I don't think there's a person in America who hasn't seen a black woman beat the living shit out her child. The physical violence Precious endures is common in the Black community. A cultrual flaw that many praise instead of correct. The sexual abuse Precious encountered that was a dibilitating force in her life was eluded to. I understand that in order to bring the movie to the masses they couldn't go that deep...but still.

The acting was very good throughout, with Mo'nique leading the pact. As good as her performance was, I can't call it Oscar worthy. All of the characters were surprisingly good considering the heft of the material.

Synopsis: If you read the book, be prepared to be disappointed. If you didn't - you'll still get enough of the grime to feel moved.

Is Trick or Treating Dead?

It could be that I live in crazy ass New York, or the fact that I live in a high rise apartment, or just the fact that I'm childless and loving it...but it just seems that trick or treating has been on the decline for a few years now.

I grew up trick or treating like most kids. I would dress up as a fairy princess, or a biblical character, or cleopatra, and fill the largest pillow cases I could find with candy. The next day I would take a zip-lock bag of candy to school and swap unwanted candy for more desirable candies from classmates. I sleep with my candy, steal some of my sister's candy, and try to hide my candy from my mother who always seemed too willing to throw the candy in the trash.

I remember Halloween as a special time of year when all of the neighborhood's babies, toddlers, children, pre-teens, and teenagers would dress up and partake in the community outreach farmality of begging their neighbors for candy. Halloween was my second favorite holiday on the Christmas. Each year I would notice that there were less and less children trick-or treat, of any age. I've often attributed to all of the reports of razorblades found in candy apples and poised stuffed in candies. It also could be the ever looming fear of some psychopathic pedophile who waits all year to deliver a trick to unsuspecting children in search of treats.

One year, at about the age of 13 or 14 I discovered where so many children had gone. Why, they'd gone to the local mall! How fantastic! The stores of the mall had all come together and where giving out stale miniscule pieces of candy that could barely fill a plastic jack-o-lantern. Oh, the horror! My parents would buy boxes of candy only to find a mere two or three handfuls given to the only two or three children brave enough to ring doorbells.

Last year the only costumes I saw were on the subway. Drunken adults on their way to over-the-top alcohol binges summoned quite a few stares and laughs evn from jaded New Yorkers. What happened to trick or treating? Halloween has definitely become an adult holiday with women dressing up as sexy witches with see through boustiers and men wearing fake dildos that read "Kiss me, I'm Irish". It almost seems as children aren't safe after 4:00pm! Happy Hour has started, so let the games begin!

Maybe, just maybe I'll seem some kids out trick or treating. With this economy, a pillowcase full of candy might be the only meal some of these kids can get. Whether trick or treating makes a resurgance or not, I'm not buying any damn candy.

Where Did I Hear That Again?

My current obsession is www.overheardinnewyork.com. This website is absolutely HILARIOUS!!!!

I learned of this website well over a year ago. My boyfriend and I were having breakfast at a cafe in midtown where we overheard two hookers giving each other a progress report of the night and sharing prostitute tales. We ate our breakfast in awkward silence. It was impossible to speak over or ignore the raunchy conversation happening right next to us.

My boyfriend told me of this site. It sat in my memory bank as a great NY tidbit, and nothing more.

Yesterday I was at work, bored out of my fucking mind, and decided to look up the site. To my surprise, the site was blocked through the campus web filter. Reason stated: tasteless and offensive. I've seen a lot of content blocked at work, but never for this reason. Needless to say, I was intrigued.

I ran home, visited the site, and proceeded to site there for the rest of the night entertaining myself with real life quotes from anonymous New Yorkers.

Examples of Current Favorites:

Although I Do Recognize a Treasure Chest When I See One
Mother with little girl: Excuse me. My daughter wants to know if you're a pirate.
Woman wearing bandana: No. I'm just a lesbian.

--Crema Restaurante, 17th & 6th


Girl: Are bums allowed to be vegetarian?

--Chipotle, 6th Ave between 21st & 22nd

Overheard by: Rabid-Panda


Mom Used up Her Niceties on the First Few Kids
Small child in stroller: Mommy, why did you wake me up? Don't wake me up when I'm sleeping!
Mom: Fine. I'll leave you on the train and you can miss your stop and then the rats will get you.

--Brooklyn bound Q train


Feminism Didn't Die, It's Living Comfortably as a Stay-at-Home Mom in White Plains
Girl #1: I am like, totally addicted to Days of our Lives.
Girl #2: Really?
Girl #1: Yeah, but I am so fucked up, because this one character totally got fired and they put another guy in his place. I can't even watch him, because, you know, he's not the same guy.
Girl #2: Really?
Girl #1: Yeah, it's really fucked up my TV viewing schedule. I mean, what am I going to watch, one of the judge shows?
Girl #2: Well, you could go to class or study instead....
Girl #1: I don't need to. I'm studying to be a second wife. That girl's shoes are so cute. They would match my bag. Excuse me, where'd you get those shoes?
Girl #3: My husband.
Girl #1: See, class dismissed.

--53rd St & 3rd Ave



The Buddha Was a Tough Kid to Raise
Mother: Don't you ever do that again! [slaps child hard]
Child, calmly: Well, are you happy with yourself?

--Union Square


Witty Repartee Is One of the First Things to Go When the Brain Doesn't Get Enough Glucose
Anorexic JAP: What, you couldn't afford an entire outfit?
Obese woman in Britney Spears get-up: What, bitch, you couldn't afford an entire meal?
Anorexic JAP: [silence]

--Uptown E train
(JAP - Jewish American Princess)

Good and Bad Hair

Yesterday I went to see Chris Rock's advanced premier of "Good Hair". I was hoping to learn something I didn't already know all the while being entertained in the process. Instead, I laughed at Chris Rock's shock into the perm and weave business empire, none of which is new to me.

Stars like Nia Long, Raven Simone, Lauren London, Meagan Good, and Maya Angelou offered their opinions on the good hair/bad hair question.In the movie you learn about the harsh chemicals of perms (not news to me...I've had chemical burns many times in my life and am currently dealing with the aftermath of my last burn), how expensive weave is (I now this all too well as a near lifetime purchaser of weave), and that human hair comes from out of the country, (Rock visited India in the movie, but if he'd properly done his homework, most black women don't wear Indian hair. It's too expensive!!! Most human hair that black women wear come from China or a yak.)

Rock also didn't discuss WHY black women are so obsessed with hair and why they're willing to torture themselves to fix their "bad hair". The documentary basically says that magazines are why black women are sacrificing their follicles, health, and rent money to get long silky locs. I agree and don't agree with this. It really does depend on the magazine you're reading. Black hair magazines, which are sourced in the film, like Black Hair Sophisticates and beauty hair magazines from hair shows almost always have relaxed hair styles with a few pages set aside for "natural" hair. In most high fashion and white magazines, there's always that one black girl in the group and she almost always has a natural style.

As a woman who has been getting perms since she was seven and wearing weaves since I was eleven I have been thorugh the perm and weave gamet and back. I have dyed my hair, worn a short hair cut, worn wigs and weaves, worn my hair natural, had box braids and micro braids...e'rythang!!! I don't have an answer for this problem (best described as possible self hatred) and neither does Chris Rock. Instead, the choice belongs to the millions of black women and a few men (how-you-doin'-Al-Sharpton!) who fuel this multi-billion dollar industry everyday.

Ass Whoopings, Beatings, Spankings, and Punishment

I was beaten as a child.

I wasn't beaten to the point of hospitalization like my cousins. This is why for years I thought I wasn't abused. Some of my friends have had cracked ribs, been beaten with sordidly invented duct tape bound extention cords, and had hot water poured on them before beatings so that the sting of the whip would be more painful. The fact that I was kicked in the air before I reached the ground doesn't really sound as bad as the previously mentioned.

Not all black folks were beaten as children. My family went from being poverty stricken and homelessness to middle class before my very eyes. As I child I could share my "whippin'" stories with my friends and we'd laugh til the tears rolled. Now I've had to lock those stories up somewhere dark inside so I don't scare potential mates and future friends.

Even though there are a lot of blacks who haven't been beaten, there still are a lot of blacks who've been. There are still many more who feel that being beaten is a part of the "Black Experience". I am not one of those people.

I was watching "The View" on DVR and couldn't help but see guest panelist LaToya Jackson whitewash the abuse her family experienced at the hands of her father. I don't think Michael exaggerated when he descirbed Joe Jackson's beatings being so severe he'd throw up when he knew his father was approaching. This was something he talked about before any scadals ever broke about him; these allegations weren't some vain attempt to color over misdeeds.

Growing up I've heard that Michael Jackson's crazy antics were no excuse. After all, we've all been beaten. People always talk about how I got beat, and I turned out ust fine. Even I used to say this. But have we really? I don't think so. Instead of trying to defend bad behaviors as a part of our culture we really should shed them. Don't get me wrong, we shouldn't throw the baby out with the bath water (I'm not giving up by black dialect!) but we can stop beating the hell out of our children and we can start eating healthier.

Sex and Travel

I just finished reading a memoir about a cuddly perverted bachelor who details his sexual exploits with women around the world. Reading this novel exposed my own naivete. I hadn't realized just how many willing women there are willing to satisfy the thirsty and insecure needs of sexually inadequate men. I sat and read the book in a few short hours and recounted the numerous advances and propositions I've recieved in my young 26 years.

I'm often chided for my conservative stance on dating, relationships, and (dare I say it!) courtship. Men are either repelled or intrigued. However they feel, I'm not giving up the drawers!

This young bachelor spoke of how he'd traveled all the way to Denmark to have sex with a brazen blonde with an acute case of jungle fever. Ms. Booty Mama welcomed him initially and as they had little to nothing in common, and his sexual release craved within three minutes of their initial encounter, the trip quickly turns bad. The part of this stroy that struck me was how willing this young man was willing to travel for a little peice of ass. Ass it only took him three minutes to fuck.

The thing about this is that people do this all the time. I just don't get it. I know I'm famous the world over for my prudish behavior and puritanical attitude. But don't let this fool you, and can be quite the sex kitten when a deserving candidate finally comes along. I'v eonly traveled outside this country once. I was literally chased down the street, followed into clubs, had men jump inside my taxi, all hoping to get a taste of a little brown sugar. Every night I had to run home; I've never been so toned.

Work

I love the librarian profession. I enjoy helping patrons with research, in the process I always learn something new myself. I have a daily set of routine rituals that I go through that make the library fluid and more accessible. I love the time to think, and the opportunity to learn that presents itself everyday. This is why I joined this profession in the first place.

The thing that makes my job SUCK is my coworkers. They are nasty, backbiting, and petty. It is very frustrating to work your hardest only to be rewarded with the most unflattering unapreciation. For instance, I would arrive to work about a half hour early. This is not easy inasmuch as my commute is two hours long and I take two trains and a bus to get there. Every one else in my office drives to work and thier commute is less than twenty minutes. I am often there in the snow, when the other librarians refuse to come out. They refuse to give me a key to the door, and I often sit in the elements waiting for someone to come in and open the door.

I am also the youngest librarian on my job by about 40 years. Of course I know more about computers than all of the other librarians. This causes a lot of grief tension. The librarians would rather call an IT person to come and help them with a PowerPoint slide, than to ask me to help. Even when I offer my assistance, it has been decided that I'm useless with computers. I could be such an asset to my co-workers, yet they'd rather shun me, and complain about everything I do.

So, if anyone knows of a great library job that is looking for a fast, productive, knowledable librarian - I'm your girl!

Dieting

Last weekend, I sorta-kinda decided to become a vegetarian. It lasted only one day. What can I say, I got hungry!!! I didn't try to be a vegan or anything, there was no spiritual awakening or call to a greater purpose. I just wanted to lose weight.

This coming from anyone else is not strange, but from me it's incredible. I've never been on a diet. I've never had reason to. All my life I could eat as much as I want and I'd never gain a pound. Now that I know you're officially hating me, I'll give you a reason not to feel sorry for me.

Now I'm gaining weight.

Since moving to NYC, I've become the worst kind of finicky foodie that won't dare eat a franchises. Loves exotic international dishes, and spends countless hours of my life blogging about restaruants to anyone with time enough to read. My weight has ballooned and I'm getting bigger everyday.

About a year ago I went out with some friends from college. One had gained weight and the other had lost a significant amount of weight. She wasn't the fat girl I'd known at school. When my friend asked her how she did it, she said she became a vegetarian. I wondered, how many other women had become vegetarians in order to lose weight?

It seems everywhere I go I'm in the company of vegetarians. This city is full of them. Even when I was hunting for an apartment, many of the advertisements seeking roommates requested that you be a vegetarian. If you weren't a vegetarian, it was requested that you not even cook meat in the house!

I'd always thought of vegetarians as these deeply holistic people who didn't believe in eating baby lambs. And although there are still people who are vegetarian and vegan for that reason, it can't be ignored that there are also people who are just taking on this lifestyle in order to get or stay thin.

I tried to maintain the discipline, but after eating my first veggie burger, I went righ to Burger King.

The Neighbors at Town Hall

Apparently, the most dangerous places in America are Town Hall meetings. Cursing, Shouting, threatening, punching...these are the norm around the country - but most brutal in the south.

There is a whole constituency of America that is angry about a black president, and they "...want their country back." Back to what, is what the rest of us are wondering. These people are showing their whole ass, while the rest fo the country can only sit back and watch with. Post-racial is a farce that we need to contend with. People need to stop acting like everything is peaches and roses. That may have been why some people voted for Barack. They thought that maybe this could heal old wounds. It has become more than apparent that there is a portion of this country that thinks that because a person is black they should excel at anything, they can't be smart, and that the best place for them is to havetheir neck crushed under a boot.

If things don't calm down soon, I'm fearful that there may be a fatality at one of these meetings. Is this what we're to expect for the next 3 1/2 years? I hope not.

G.I. Jooooooe...Real American Hero!

I went to see G.I. Joe with my boyfriend who still harbors fondness for the iconic special forces para military figure. Of course, half way through the movie I gave up trying to be interested and fell asleep. As a person who really doesn't like action movies, I've been proved wrong by some of this and last years blockbusters that were full of heart, action, had great story lines, and kept we awake for sometimes more than two hours.

This is not that type of movie.

The only likeable character in the entire movie was Marlon Wayans, and I can't even remember his character's name in the movie. I was overall bored with the movie. The plot revolves around the stereotypical corporate bad guy who works for an organization called Mars, who develops weapons for NATO, (I know...the political agenda is astounding). The "Joes", as they are called, assembel with swords and million dollar mechanical suits to stop Mars from unleashing a biochemical agent, nanobyte, in Paris France. After completely demolishing Paris and its citizens the Joes save the day, and all is at peace except for I can't stop thinking about the good hard earned money that is now wasting because of the time I spent watching this trash.

See it if you just have to have that trip down memory lane. See it if your pissd at the world and just need to see shit blown up. See it if you're going on a date with a cute guy and you have a fetish about being felt-up in the movie theater. Aside from these reasons...stay home.

I'm Suing Every College I Ever Went To!

There is a woman, who goes by the name Trina Thompson, who is suing her college because she can't find a job.

She can join the club.

Even though I have a job during this time of soaring unemployment, I'm nowhere close to living the type of fabulosity (yes...I made that up) that I invisioned when I was an 18 year old high school student. I, like many other teenagers around the country, thought that a degree would be a one way ticket to fame and fortune. I thought I was going to me some hot shot grad making at least $80,000 a year my first year out of college. It didn't take me long into my freshman year to realize that my fantasy was probably not going to happen.

The fact that Ms. Thompson thinks that all the professors who spent time reading her absolutely boring papers, the cooks who made her mediocre lunch, and all of the other staff and faculty who ere compensated in order to make her pursuit of a better life a reality should now return the money because she can't land a job - is ludicrous. The campus grounds needed to be maintained. College, like everything else in this country is a business. These institutions need money to operate. How can she think that she can just get a refund? Does she intend to give back the degree? And if so, how does she intend to give it back?

She may need to concern herself more with what it is about her that is unemployable. Maybe she stinks? Maybe she shows up on job interviews looking like she just doesn't give a damn, and never did. Maybe (and I tend to think this is true) she has a bad attitude that is more than apparent on interviews.

Another question I have, is who's the lawyer that took this case? I mean, are times this hard that lawyers are taking bullshit cases! (As if lawyers ever needed a reason besides bullshit to take a bullshit case...) This story is just one of the most preposterous arguments I've ever heard. Since Ms. Thompson has only graduated in April - she may find her job search tougher. Now every employer in the country is aware that she is a spoiled brat who has no fundamental understanding of the benefits of a college education. A poll on the New York Daily News say that approximately 30% of pollsters believe that this case has merit and that Ms. Thompson should be refunded her money.

If someone tells me how a degree, credits, faculty salary, and maintainance of facilities can be refunded - maybe I'll consider Ms. Thompson's argument.

Cindy's Got the Look

I know I'm a day late and a dollar short, but I'm a HUGE fan of She's Got the Look, a modeling reality show much like America's Next Top Model, only the models are 35 and older. The oldest model was a 72 year old grandmother. These women were sexy and beautiful in a way never before portrayed on television. My only fault with the show was that the higher end fashion names didn't come out in heavy support of the project.

TV Land brought this pioneering show to its second season and I ate up every minute. So often the media sets the standard of beauty at blonde hair-blue eyed-teenaged girls...what the hell do they think the rest of us do? Beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, colors, and ages. And these women proved it.

Unfortunately, I didn't catch the show at the beginning. I came in somewhere near the middle. I watched enough to hate Shelley, grow to love Leanne, and be inspired by Dolores. Although I liked Cindy, Leanne was definitely the winner. Every challenge proved to have some difficulty that only she endured, and no matter the situation, she handled it with grace. I mean, she had a monkey hump and piss on her!!! Cindy was a beautiful stiff who I feel lacks the requisite heft to make it in the modeling industry. Leanne was that bitch/diva that every love to hate and hates to love.

I wish all of them success, and hope like hell the show is still running when I turn 50 so I can put the twenty year old bitches to shame!!!

Gates Update

Now...
Who can defend the cop now. Before there were so many arguments claiming that Professor Gates was deserving of an arrest. The fact that he was an upset victim didn't get him even the slightest bit of sympathy from the media. Now that we find out what the police officer really thinks about Gates, who besides Bill O'Reilly and Rush Limbaugh will rush to his defense?

Swindling Ass Kindle

Exactly how ironic is it that Kindle recalled all eBook versions of 1984? I was carousing the internet the other day, looking for interesting book-library-publishing news. (This is what we librarians sometimes do so that we have cool tidbits to share when we have awesomely dorkish conversations!) I came across a frightening article about just how easy it is for these huge media sales-machines like Amazon and iTunes to take back your stuff, even after you've purchased it, and believe yourself to be the proud owner of said merchandise.

I used to could defend these types of electronic devices. (I don't go ANYWHERE without my iPod!) My chief praise was how convenient these things are. I was a mess carrying around all of these clumsy CD holders everywhere. A few years ago, I was dodging the metallic debris when my car flipped on an old dirt road in rural Alabama. Imagine how much easier going to school could be. There would be no more use for a book bag if you could just download a copy of your textbook onto your kindle and bring it to class. Children would no longer have bad backs from all of the books and homework they lug around.

After finding out just how easy these companys can take these purchases back, I can press pause on doing a Farenheit 451 on all of my books and using my iPod and Kindle exclusively. Now we see why there is still a value in owning and purchasing a book.

With more and more things being bought and sold digitally, this drawback of eCommerce is all the more frightening.

I am a proud user of the Blockbuster-by-Mail system. Last year, to save money, I decided to place a hold on my account. This hold was supposed to keep me from closing my account, yet allowing me to take a break from recieving movies and thus paying the monthly fee. On January 1st, Blockbuster decided to "re-activate" by account and proceeded to take money out of my account without warning. Could you imagine them going into my pocketbook and forcing me to purchase a product against my will? This is in essence what they did. I find that once you give you credit card number out, a lot of companies will freely go in and out of your account. just like Amazon and iTunes can give and take back things you've purchased.

There used to be a time when a person could purchase a product. After you purchased if, you could do with it what you liked. Those days seem to be fading fast. Nowadays companies are tracking your purchasing history, taking back items you've purchased, going into your bank account, and probably doing worse things I couldn't imagine if I tried.

Post Racial

I don't think I need to do yet another recap of the Gates/Police debacle. Instead I will offer my opinion on this whole notion of America being post-racial. This morning and last night I had some very interesting conversations regarding the matter.

First of all, I'd like to say that there is absolutely no reason that Professor Gates should have been arrested in the first place. I was unaware that a non-violent overreation warranted an arrest. If it were so, Rush Limbaugh and nearly every person in America would be hauled off to hail.

Second of all, we're not even sure IF Professor Gates "overreacted".

I'm bothered that reporters keep wanting to "trip" Obama up with this incident. I don't think Bush, or Clinton would have been asked about this matter. I don't think this would have gained as much attention as it has. The only reason that this is such an issue, is because most Americans truly believe that because we have the first Black president, this somehow means that we are post racial. Marginal reporting is done on the growing number of hate groups ignited by this historic presidency.

No one talks about all of the snide water-cooler comments that Blacks endure when well-meaning liberal whites want to "ask a Black Person" about Obama's politics.

Racism is embedded in American society. Don't fault me, I didn't make it so. Nevertheless, it is what it is. In what circumstance is it okay to arrest the VICTIM of a crime. Do we arrest people who have been raped, robbed, buglarized...for being upset at the scene of the crime!!??? Apparently we do. And there are a lot of people who think that because Professor Gates is Black, he had absolutely no right to be upset. He should "stay in his place" and be as accomodating to the officer as possible. (For goodness sakes, a Black man can and should be arrested and or shot for being upset!)

This incident is another wake-up call to America that will probably, unfortunately, be ignored.

See Obama's "Apology Speech" here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D22ZzIvWe6A

Sookie and Bill

I proudly admit that I'm a self-respecting woman who indulges every Sunday night to the "Trueblood" trash phenomenom. I got hooked near the end of last season after my sister put me on to these post-bellum vampires in hot and humid Louisiana. Not only am I surprised that I can stomach a show about vampires, I've actually begun seeking out more vamp entertainment to hold me over until I get my next weekly fix.

I absolutely love Lafayette. I have been watching with lackluster enthusiasm because he's not the shit-poppin' homo thug from last season. But I can just satisfy myself with the fact that he's even alive (apparently in the book he does, in fact, die.) But I must get on to my main issue....Sookie and Bill. First of all, I can't stop staring at Sookie gap sitting dead in the middle of her face. Am I really supposed to think that she has seduced a pseudo-sexy vampire? Not me, that can't slip that one pass me!

I find myself just wishing I could fastforwad them...OMG!....they're totally taking up my hour! Shit! I mean really, all of the other characters are way more interesting than Sookie and Bill. Jason (and his fine ass) is definitely way more interesting than Sookie and Bill whining over some vampire beef that I could care less about. I LOVED Tara last season (even though she was the stereotypical "Black Bitch"...but she was just so damn FUNNY!!!! This season's she's too soft and vulnerable for my tastes....but I have enjoyed the whole MaryAnne and (Ok...so I just googled Tara's boyfriend, and apparently his name is....Eggs???) Eggs dynamic. Discovering that MaryAnne is a "maenad" had me online researching...what the hell exactly is a maenad?

As shocked as I am that I even enjoy this whole fantasy world filled with shape-shifters, vampires, "maenads", and telepaths... I'm even more surprised how much the main characters SUCK!

Welcome to Blog-Nation

If you're reading this...you are probably a blogger. If you're not a blogger, you probably know someone who does. If you don't know someone who blogs (or think you don't) you probably regularly read a blog - and then I'm hoping that mine is your first choice! Everyday someone else I know is a newborn blogger.

Some consider this type of prose the lowest form of writing. Other think these rantings are the very fabric of destruction that is quickly eradicating any whiff of intelligence still remains in this country. Just this morning I came across my little sister's blog ( I knew if was her because, unlike me, she's decided not to be anonymous and I saw her picture). She only has one post, so here's hoping.

Most of us who blog do so for different reasons. Some are professional writers who crank out witty paragraphs with a paycheck that has more zeros than their blog has words. Some are attention seekers (uh hum...Perez Hilton). Some are lonely and want to rant to a world that doesn't care anyway (even though it's probably me...I'm not ready to admit it!), and others just want to improve their writing skills. (Who would be so nerdy???....)

Whoever you are, whatever your purpose....just know this....you're grandmother's probably a blogger!

Celebrity

As a new New Yorker, I frequently spot celebrities and almost celebrities all the time. Just the other day, I was in a very humble yet delicious Chinese restaurant in Midtown where I saw two reality TV non-stars. Since I've already become a somewhat jaded New Yorker, and have ceased to go up to celebrities and let them know that "I" have spotted them, I squealed in excitement to my lackluster boyfriend.

Often friends and relatives ask me if I've gotten a chance to spot a celebrity and I give them all the details of all my D-list spottings. In this day and age of TMZ and everyman reporters (if you've got a camera on your cell phone, apparently you're a reporter) how is it possible that this obsession is seeping out of me. It's possible that maybe it's not, inasmuch as not only do I read MeadiaTakeOut obsessively, I've got it sidelined on my blog for goodness sake!

Some of the celebrities have been very nice to me, and have even held conversations with me. Others have raised their eyebrows at me and spoke to me with that "leave-me-the-fuck-alone" tone. Outside the reality non-stars I saw a television actress in a new restaurant in Harlem, and I didn't bother to say a word. I don't know if these events are kudos to me, or just proof that new in my New Yorker is getting a little stale.

Michael Jackson

I've been mourning so hard, I forgot to pay tribute to the late Michael Jackson. It would definitely be a shame on me if I didn't acknowledge this icon. Rest in peace Michael.

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

A few months ago I read Steve Harvey's book, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Committment". As I browse lists looking for good reads (as I obssesively do), I'm keep coming across this title over and over again. I had a chance to sit in on a book discussion of both sexes where the book was discussed. I promise you that the discussion was as entertaining as it was enlightening.

There were about twenty people in attendance, five of them were brothas. Two of the brothas came with their girlfriends, and the three single men hadn't even read the book, but were willing to offer their opinion nonetheless. They also expressed the same concern: they were tired of seeing so many single black women in New York, lonely and without a man.

Everyone, male and female, could agree that Harvey's book really wasn't anything new. If you'd been raised in a remotely nurturing environment, even if you didn't follow his advice, you've heard it before. I admitted that although I'd heard 99% of the book before, I'd never considered that men loved differently than women. Harvey's assertion is that women have this unconditional, all encompassing, completely irrational love - and we expect this love to be reciprocated from the men we bestow this love upon. Harvey explains that men have a certain way of loving that is more "practical" (because HE says so), and that once women learn to accept this fact, women who've been unsuccessful with men before, will start to see better results.

I thought it was an interesting hypothesis, but I think it neglects the fact that there are men who DO love like this. The men at the book club meeting agreed with Steve Harvey. They also offered an explanation as to why more and more black men are choosing to date white women as opposed to black women.

Their reasoning was unanimously stated that black women are extremely closed minded and have a list of demands as well as things they won't do. They stated that time after time they've dated black women who were willingto try new restaurants, unwillingto try new sex positions, unwilling to go to exotic vacations, try different types of clubs. This sounded a far cry different than my circle of friends, who've been complaining of the same things about black men, and have even stated that they're starting to consider crossing-over-to-the-other-side.

One thing that I have noticed....and I'm sure I'll probably get a lot of shit for this, but...black women do tend to have funky attitudes! I'm sorry but they do! These men bravely came out to this women's book club meeting, and calmly answered these womens questions and offered their opinions...these usually very intellectual fabulous divas attacked these men like a pack of hyenas! It was almost as if they were attacking every failed relationship they've ever had.

I wish this was the first place I've seen this type of behavior from black women, but sadly it's not. I've seen black women go off on brothas in the club, on the sidewalk, in church, in the office, in any public or private place. I'm not saying this is the behavior of all black women. I myself am a black woman, and I'm not so ignorant that I would ascribe any one characteristic to an entire group. But I can't help but correlate a certain pattern of behavior that I've noticed on occasion.

Act like a lady - we should always. Think like a man - I'm really not sure what that means. I think he may be attributing having common sense with thinking like a man, and I just can't agree with that. Having said that, read the book with a man you respect and trust - if nothing else it'll be a fun discussion.

What I've Been Up To

I've been disgustingly absent for quite some time. I have attempted to write a post, and found myself with lots to think about and little to post into a blog. I looked over my post and noticed that much of what I have to say is whining. (I think this is true of many of the blogs out there...)

So, to celebrate my return to the wonderful world of blogdom, I've decided to highlight a few of the brighter aspects of my life.

1. Last weekend, my sweetie every so nicely and lovelingly squeezed the oils out of my nose and plucked the "hard-to-wipe" oils off of my nose with a tweezer.
- It's nice to know that there's someone who loves me enough. :)

2. This evening I saw the movie "Taking Pelham 123" (I hope that's right, but I'm afraid I'm too lazy to google the actual title...). At least I haven't been on a highjacked train!
- Dodging singing homeless people has been the worst of all my travels on the train.

3. Last weekend I saw "Up" in 3D...I've hadn't cried that hard since "Bambi".
- 3D has definitely improved since I was a kid.

4. The other day a kind old stranger gave me an "Energy" magazine. Inside of it were all of these pamphlets about quitting smoking.
- I guess he was tired of seeing the enjoyment I got out of my morning cigarette.

I'm sure I have more positive anecdotes to share...but I'm afraid that I'm tired. (My day starts in the wee hours of the morning.)

Having said that, I will retire for the evening.

- Ciao

Another Year Older

Yesterday was my birthday....so here's to me!

I Oughtta Be (and am) Ashamed of My Damn Self!

I haven't posted all month, and of course I am ashamed of myself. I promised myself I was going to write regularly and that I certainly wouldn't care if anyone read or not. I've allowed myself to get busy with life and have allowed this page to lapse.

Although I've failed to write, so many fabulous things have happened. I've given myself a spring makeover, and sexxed up my look. With the weather being so great, I've been going out more, and I haven't had the necessary depression that usually fuels this post. Ha!! Now you'll have to suffer through posts about sunshine and flowers, and the flirtacious smirks I've had to slap off unsuspecting strangers!

Have a Happy Sunday, and hopefully, I'll be back soon!

A Room of One's Own

It has been well chronicled in this blog my search for an apartment. Inasmuch as I am young, fabulous, and intelligently broke, my funds have only allowed me to look at rooms and studios (**what is a studio but a glorified room?). My search is drawing on empty, and I have to be out of this apartment on March 31st. Despite that fact, I have found time to get in some reading.

Recently I read a classic piece of feminist literature, A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolf. I enjoyed the book of course, and what a perfect time to have read this book. As I sort through my own male issues and read the issues that Woolf speaks of in the book, I found myself wishing that I could call Ms. Woolf, invite her for a coffee at Starbucks and show her the marvel (and catastrophe) of women today.

A lot of times, as women, we fail to truly appreciate how far our sex has come. How many options and choices we have now. I am a librarian...traditionally a woman's occupation...but I am studying to become a lawyer...traditionally a male occupation. I can shop at the best boutiques in New York and simultaneously have a vigorous political conversation - then go out and put the contents of that conversation into action. Reading how opinionated creative women have been driven to madness because they lacked the oppurtunities of men is so dismal a prospect; to say I'm overjoyed not to exist in that environment is an understatement.

Woolf's essay was seeking to address a group of women on the topic of, none else, but "Women in Fiction." Her advice: Write about something more serious than fiction; Don't let your sex dictate to you how you think and behave; and my favorite - All a woman needs is 500 a year and a room of one's own.

In her time, she was talking about 500 pounds a year, but we can say, for the new millenium, $500,000 a year. If I had $500,000 a year I could purchase many many rooms. I wouldn't even need that much, or even half! To be able to live in comfort without fear of roaches, rats, unsavory neighbors, and have the piece and tranquility that an ample bank account and comfortable surroundings provide would certainly be conducive to creative thinking, research, and philosophy.

All that I can sayis: I'm on my way. :)

What the Hell Have I Been Doing?

It is March 10, and I'm just now writing in this blog. The perfectionist in me has deleted every single post I've began since the last, and now I realize why so many blogs start then fail. I am at home, lazily writing this prose when I know good and blessed well I should be in class tonight...but I've played hooky to enjoy a nice relaxing night at home full of chores and cooking.

I bet you may be wondering how my apartment hunting is going.

Null and void.

I haven't found a damn thing, and right before I break into a full on anxiety attack...I think of something wonderful and continue on being fabulous. (For those of you who like drinking games: Chug-A-Lug.) With all of the news and happenings birthing and expiring on every single crevice of this planet, my world is sans report. It's as if I'm going through a spiritual, emotional, and financial lobotomy with every person in my life holding the scalpel and tweezers. The only thing that I'm subsisting on is thinking of pretty and shiny things. **Don't fault me for being vain, materialistic, and shallow...that's exactly why you are reading this post!

Now that I've broken March's verbal virginity...I can get back to doing little and enjoying a lot!

Black History Month

The month is almost over and I've finally decided to right something about it. I really just don't know how to fully articulate my argument, and have been debating within myself on just how to word what I have to say.

Black History Month.

So much history. Many times we only focus on the achievements. This month follows the Inauguration of the first black president, but there's still so much history to sift through. There's a new book out about how therapy is so long overdue for the black community. I'd thought this very point over for years. Culture is something that's passed down from one generation to another. We have inherited the good with the bad like DNA. As I look over my predominately black community I see the ills we like to banner with, "Get over it". But if black people can simply "Get Over" the past...why haven't we done it yet?

The fact that as a community we can't get over, what I feel, is a self hatred so deep it permeates into almost ever facet of our culture...I feel as though we should instead try and cure what ails. Well...what ails?

On Sunday I went to church and saw a delightful tribute to an organization of black youths who shouted in the middle of service, "I'm beautiful, I'm smart, I'm a strong black man, I'm a strong black women..." I teared up because it sounded as if they were trying to convince themselves instead of quietly and securely knowing that these affirmations were truths. Even I myself, as I try to further my education and climb the ranks of respectability grapple with these same things. I walk about with this quiet confidence even though each rejection shoots me like a bullet. Often times I want credit for good things done, even though society might label my personal achievments with mediocrity. As proud as I am of my achievements, and as much as I shouldn't give a damn what anyone else thinks, I do. At times I wish I were held to the same measure as others who've grown up secure in their own cultural identity, with mom and dad always there cheering their success. What to do. I must let go of my own personal history in order to reach a new one; a better one.

I have met many blacks who don't even like to talk about the negativity that somehow just can't be shaken from the American black experience. They just want to be seen as individuals as if history hasn't brought you up into this race to carry all of the burdens and gifts that come. So, as I continue to celebrate Black History, and ponder not only the achievments, but the work still needing to be done...I look at my own history and continue to clean all the messes that need to be addressed in my own life.

Finding an Apartment in New York City

I once read a book by Tama Janowitz called, Slaves of New York. In this book, Ms. Janowitz described all of these people who were held into relationships they couldn't stand, couldn't leave their jobs and follow thier passions, couldn't even start semesters of college because they were slaves to New York City rent. People in other parts of the country really don't understand this. This is a city were incomes in certain fields do pay more than the rest of the country, but if you are not earning in a certain area....you are a broke ass fabulous diva!!!

In my last post I wrote about my break-up. Although we're living amicably together...it's about time to leave. Nothing can shake you to the core like knowing that your living arrangement is unsecure. Now, I am a librarian...part-time, and I am a student at night. I don't make enough to pay $1,000+ a month in rent. I've looked at rooms, but I left the dorm so I wouldn't have to put up with that mess!!!

To let you in on a little of what I've been going through...I've provided real Craigslist advertisements. Mind you...I've put my minimum asking price as $500 and my maximum as $700. This is for sharing aparments...and yes...pictures are provided.

1. $550 BEAUTIFUL FURNISHED ROOM FOR RENT IN QUEENS, AVAILABLE NOW!!! (WOODSIDE)

PLEASE READ THE ADD VERY WELL BEFORE YOU CONTACT ME SO WE DON'T NEED TO GO ON THE SAME CONVERSATION AGAIN. The room is medium size 8'X 10' in a 3 bedroom apartment on a second floor, located in a very nice, safe and quiet neighborhood, 68th street bet 50th & 51st ave, only 12 minutes walking or 5 minutes bus ride (Q45) to the 7 train station @ 69 street or 2 more minutes in the same bus to 74 street for E, F, R, V, G, and 7 trains, 20 minutes to Manhattan. Furnished with a twin size bed, desk, chair, dresser, tv, high speed wireless internet access, window and closet. UTILITIES INCLUDED. For ONE responsible person who works or studies, NO SMOKING, NO drugs, NO male visitors, and please be VERY CLEAN. If you think you can not follow these rules, please don't waist your time contacting me. For more information you can email or call 718 791 1290. Hablamos Español - What get's me about this post is the attitude! She starts off with, "Please read this very well so I don't have to explain this again." Those of us who know computer lingo is very aware that the Caps mean she is yelling this to us. I'm already pissed off, and not thinking what we have any future as roommates who'll get along. This is probably an add I would have responded to, if her attitude hadn't been so shitty. I can imagine this attitude coming back to me if I ask her to wash her dishes so I can cook or some other random household discrepancy that can lead to an automatic misunderstanding. This one...folks...is definitely not for me.

2. $700 FEMALE ROOMMATE WANTED-LONGTERM (Financial District)

***PLEASE EMAIL ME AND CONFIRM IF YOUR COMING FOO OPEN HOUSE OR SET UP ANOTHER TIME TO COME BY AND SEE THE PLACE**** ****OPEN HOUSE SUNDAY FEB 1ST FROM NOON TO 2:00PM**** FOR LOFT ROOM AND WILL BE SHARING WITH TWO OTHER GIRLS IN THREE BEDROOM APARTMENT AVAILABLE: Immediately Address: 33 GOLD STREET APT 301(DOWNTOWN) Direction: 2 or 3 to Fulton street stop A, C, to Broadway Nassau E or 9 to world trade center 4 and 5 to Fulton street N and R to City Hall SUBWAY: 2,3,1,9,A,C,E,4,5,N AND R YOUR REQUIREMENTS: -MUST BE VERY CLEAN AND RESPOSIBLE -NON SMOKER -FRIENDLY -VEGETARIAN-I DONT LIKE ANYONE COOKING MEAT IN THE APT AS I AM VEGETARIAN -WILL BE NEEDING ONE MONTHS RENT AND ONE MONTH DEPOSIT TOTAL MOVE IN COST $1400.00 -UTILITIES ARE ABOUT $100.00 EVERY MONTH PER PERSON(FULL CABLE, ELEC. AND HIGH SPEED INTERNET & MAID SERVICE) -NO PETS FACITLITES IN APARTMENT -FULLY CARPETED -HIGH CEILINGS, AIRCONDITIONED -LAUNDRY ON EACH FLOOR -APT IS FURNISHED -TV/DIGITAL CABLE AND HIGH SPEED INTERNET -24 HOUR GROCERY STORE UNDER THE BLDG -DOORMAN BUILDING YOU WILL BE SHARING APT WITH ME AND MY ROOMMATE. MYSELF,32,WORK IN THE FASHION INDUSTRY AND MY ROOMMATE WORKS IN FASHION INDUSRTY AS WELL . - Doesn't like meat being cooked in the house!!! I have to be hungry for her nose!!!?? And the picture...I'm not sure what the hell I'm looking at. What is this...a flooded out basement? I'm not feeling it.

3. $500 Need to rent a couch for a bit to get on your feet? We have one! (east village)

We are two gay guys looking for someone to help out with the rent for a while. We're looking for someone who would be willing to rent out our sofa for a couple of months to make ends meet. We are both very laid back, responsible, considerate and clean. We both work nights, so we arise around noon. If this is something you would be interested in please hit me back for details. Thanks Michael - Michael must be crazy as hell!! Who wants to rent a couch for $500???!!!I'm looking at this couch, and thinking...there's no way in hell I'm going to work all day, commute all over NYC, go to class at night, study, and then sleep on his raggedy ass couch!!!! Hell to No!!!

4. $735 NEED someone to fill a room by Feb 15!! (Hoboken)

>(I've posted this already, but the date has changed. Sorry about the repost!) Hey everyone! Hope you're all doing well. Due to an unfortunate mix-up, I'm leaving my apartment on the 1st, and I'm going to need someone to fill my room from Feb 1st and on. If you can move in before the 15th, that's great. The rent is 735, and the utilities are usually about 100 a month. And there's also a 1 1/2 month security deposit that you get back when you move out. We have FiOS which is AWESOME. The internet is SO fast, and the cable (DVR, too) is great. Huge TV, futon, roof access, great shower, everything was just redone in October, so the place looks great. Usually quite clean. Two other 24 year old guys will be living there after I leave named Ryan and Paul. Good guys, rent is on time. If you want to see the place, let me know. Sorry about the crappy pictures. The kitchen is great, has a dishwasher, and a big fridge. Nice big stove too, and lots of cabinet space. I can fit my twin bed, a dresser, night table, TV shelf, and big ol desk in my room. There's a laundromat in the building, great Chinese down the street, and Washington st is the best. SO! If you wanna live in Hoboken, let me know! Hope everyone is safe and well and good luck in your search! :) - There is no way I'm going to give this slob $735 a month to live in this dump!!! What is he thinking? I'd never let anyone know I lived like this, if I did, and certainly wouldn't advertise on Craigslist. If this person is so crazy to think that a reasonable person would give him $735 a month, he definitely could not be my roommate!

Just When You Think You Know It All...

I pride myself on being a self assured woman who knows who I am, what I want, and how to get everything I want and more. Every so often a person or an event comes along and reminds you that you really aren't the "bitch" you think you are. It's almost been two weeks since my last post and I have been on quite a rollercoaster ride. Since I write this blog under the beautiful cloak of anonymity I feel perfectly fabulous to reveal that I have made a complete ass of myself.

Everyone's had times when they're off and their man is on, or vice versa. Last week, me and my boo were experiencing just this type of dilemma. I quizzed him by asking very insecure questions to reach a level of security this line of questioning just doesn't allow for only to recieve a response from him that caused me to resort to hitting, scratching, biting, and acting a genuine fool. All weekend long has been filled with ups and downs of me just being plain nasty and berating. This morning...I rudely woke Mr. Boyfriend out of his sleep to continue my ranting and raving only to recieve a response this time so simplistic and humble...I can't believe I hadn't thought of it before.

Some of us ladies...as fabulous as we think we are...have some real deep and genuine issues with men. If you've been genuinely hurt by men in the past, the way that I have, then you are a fabulous, sexy, divalicious woman who is scorned. I have hurled fists, accusations, names, and just downright nastiness to a man who didn't cause the hurt that have been plaguing me my entire life. Mr. Boyfriend has treated me with a level of forgiveness, kindness, and love that I haven't reciprocated because I don't know how. I'm almost ashamed to admit that I'm too scared to be loved and too scared to fully love somebody. My hurt just overtakes me, and causes me to blow small misunderstandings completely out of proportion. Never even considering that I could be with an honest kind, loving, sensitive man casues me to feel deep shame and regret. As I write, my body aches from the physical damage I've done to myself trying to hurt someone that didn't look "hurt enough" in the midst of an argument --an argument, that was completely and totally avoidable.

So what now? What do I do? How can I undue all of this pain and learn to see that I can't continually live in past hurts? How can I not hurt the ones I love and not expect to be hurt by them? I'm sure someone will comment, "Seek Therapy"...but please see earlier posts where I have described how my fabulous life has been effected by this economic downturn!

I have so much to learn...
So much to unlearn...
So much love to give and pain to relieve...
Healing is a process, and it has to start somewhere.

Short-List on Making Yourself Feel Good When You Feel Like Shit

I have been kind of wondering around in a mindless "not-so-fabulous" funk for about a week. Not even sweet champagne can lull away these tuggings on my heartstrings. I cannot pinpoint any one thing responisble. A wide range of grievances have me in a complete haze. Yet, and still, I must maintain my Diva swagger. On Sunday I got my hair done. The disappointment I felt over my hair not coming out the way I'd anticipated overwhelmed the reason I'd actually gone in to get my hair done in the first place. I wanted a little pick-me-up; a little shot in the arm to jumpstart me back to my regularly fabulous program.

Everyone has days when they are feeling "not-quite-themselves", even Intellectual Divas are not unsusceptible to this rule. So, as I write this post, that may or may not ever get read, I'm checking off fabulous pick-me-ups that I have done or could do to lift me out of this funk.

1. Get my hair done a
I went on Sunday to get my hair done, and left feeling as if I'd been cheated. Nothing can ruin a day faster than when your hair looks like shit. It is now early Wednesday morning and I'm still adjusting. On-lookers may think I look cute, but only I who know what I wanted, and can truly feel the sting of the disappointment. Only I know the vast difference between the bullshit this woman was paid (and even stipended herself a tip!) to do, and what was actually expected...oh the horror.

2. Get some new digs
I haven't bought any new clothes yet. I may have been able to if I didn't have to dole out money to guilt-mongering relatives who use all of their extra curricula looking for ways to make me feel guilty. These type of people will drain all of the joy your sweet little heart can hold...if you let them.

3. Finish Projects that I've Started
I have 550 things to do. Everyday I try to do at least two things, but some days I don't do anything at all. Sometimes I spend the whole week not doing anything, and then kicking myself in the ass because of the guilt. Thus the cycle repeats itself. Sometimes I can get in this little funk that last and lasts.

4. Don't Sweat the Small Stuff
This, of course, is easier said than done.

A Resolution?

I am enjoying a a very quiet (seriously...not even the TV is on!) Sunday afternoon where I'm trying to forget that Monday morning is ever increasingly looming over m. I woke up this morning scouring the Internet browsing a barrage of useless necessities that I fabulously cannot afford.

Oh to be young, fabulous, and broke!

Christmas and New Year have come and gone, and as the holiday facade dwindles I'm just left wanting. I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling this way as millions the country over have had to pull back, push back, and hold back this holiday season. I read last week in the AM New York paper that Shopaholics are having, "the-worst-year-ever". Although they know they're not supposed to spend, they just can't help themselves. Thank God I don't have that problem! I'm probably at the other extreme. I can't bring myself to spend, even though I know I need. So, I have been on every website from Macy's to Forever 21, creating fantasy lists that I know I'll never submit. All in the hopes that I'll someday come back and purchase all of these lost goods that I can very easily live without. Hopefully, like other times, certain items will expire themselves out, thus rendering the problem automatically solved.

Times like these are the the stuff that makes hope possible. If I knew with all certainty that cutting back on expenses wouldn't leave me in any better situation than I am currently, then, by all means...I wouldn't hesitate to spend. Here's hoping that I'm going without so that I can actually contribute to something worthwhile somewhere down the line. When I actually think of it...purchasing an overpriced, cheaply made sweater, that will shrink after one wash is really not a great investment.

On the fourth day of the New Year, I'm hoping to stick to a resolution to invest in myself. I will save my money to do things that will improve my financial situation. I will spend money on the little of pieces of trash that will get me over to times when I can make ends substantially meet. And I will tirelessly do everything in my power to become a better woman for 2010. Sounds good...right?