Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

A few months ago I read Steve Harvey's book, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Committment". As I browse lists looking for good reads (as I obssesively do), I'm keep coming across this title over and over again. I had a chance to sit in on a book discussion of both sexes where the book was discussed. I promise you that the discussion was as entertaining as it was enlightening.

There were about twenty people in attendance, five of them were brothas. Two of the brothas came with their girlfriends, and the three single men hadn't even read the book, but were willing to offer their opinion nonetheless. They also expressed the same concern: they were tired of seeing so many single black women in New York, lonely and without a man.

Everyone, male and female, could agree that Harvey's book really wasn't anything new. If you'd been raised in a remotely nurturing environment, even if you didn't follow his advice, you've heard it before. I admitted that although I'd heard 99% of the book before, I'd never considered that men loved differently than women. Harvey's assertion is that women have this unconditional, all encompassing, completely irrational love - and we expect this love to be reciprocated from the men we bestow this love upon. Harvey explains that men have a certain way of loving that is more "practical" (because HE says so), and that once women learn to accept this fact, women who've been unsuccessful with men before, will start to see better results.

I thought it was an interesting hypothesis, but I think it neglects the fact that there are men who DO love like this. The men at the book club meeting agreed with Steve Harvey. They also offered an explanation as to why more and more black men are choosing to date white women as opposed to black women.

Their reasoning was unanimously stated that black women are extremely closed minded and have a list of demands as well as things they won't do. They stated that time after time they've dated black women who were willingto try new restaurants, unwillingto try new sex positions, unwilling to go to exotic vacations, try different types of clubs. This sounded a far cry different than my circle of friends, who've been complaining of the same things about black men, and have even stated that they're starting to consider crossing-over-to-the-other-side.

One thing that I have noticed....and I'm sure I'll probably get a lot of shit for this, but...black women do tend to have funky attitudes! I'm sorry but they do! These men bravely came out to this women's book club meeting, and calmly answered these womens questions and offered their opinions...these usually very intellectual fabulous divas attacked these men like a pack of hyenas! It was almost as if they were attacking every failed relationship they've ever had.

I wish this was the first place I've seen this type of behavior from black women, but sadly it's not. I've seen black women go off on brothas in the club, on the sidewalk, in church, in the office, in any public or private place. I'm not saying this is the behavior of all black women. I myself am a black woman, and I'm not so ignorant that I would ascribe any one characteristic to an entire group. But I can't help but correlate a certain pattern of behavior that I've noticed on occasion.

Act like a lady - we should always. Think like a man - I'm really not sure what that means. I think he may be attributing having common sense with thinking like a man, and I just can't agree with that. Having said that, read the book with a man you respect and trust - if nothing else it'll be a fun discussion.