Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

A few months ago I read Steve Harvey's book, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Committment". As I browse lists looking for good reads (as I obssesively do), I'm keep coming across this title over and over again. I had a chance to sit in on a book discussion of both sexes where the book was discussed. I promise you that the discussion was as entertaining as it was enlightening.

There were about twenty people in attendance, five of them were brothas. Two of the brothas came with their girlfriends, and the three single men hadn't even read the book, but were willing to offer their opinion nonetheless. They also expressed the same concern: they were tired of seeing so many single black women in New York, lonely and without a man.

Everyone, male and female, could agree that Harvey's book really wasn't anything new. If you'd been raised in a remotely nurturing environment, even if you didn't follow his advice, you've heard it before. I admitted that although I'd heard 99% of the book before, I'd never considered that men loved differently than women. Harvey's assertion is that women have this unconditional, all encompassing, completely irrational love - and we expect this love to be reciprocated from the men we bestow this love upon. Harvey explains that men have a certain way of loving that is more "practical" (because HE says so), and that once women learn to accept this fact, women who've been unsuccessful with men before, will start to see better results.

I thought it was an interesting hypothesis, but I think it neglects the fact that there are men who DO love like this. The men at the book club meeting agreed with Steve Harvey. They also offered an explanation as to why more and more black men are choosing to date white women as opposed to black women.

Their reasoning was unanimously stated that black women are extremely closed minded and have a list of demands as well as things they won't do. They stated that time after time they've dated black women who were willingto try new restaurants, unwillingto try new sex positions, unwilling to go to exotic vacations, try different types of clubs. This sounded a far cry different than my circle of friends, who've been complaining of the same things about black men, and have even stated that they're starting to consider crossing-over-to-the-other-side.

One thing that I have noticed....and I'm sure I'll probably get a lot of shit for this, but...black women do tend to have funky attitudes! I'm sorry but they do! These men bravely came out to this women's book club meeting, and calmly answered these womens questions and offered their opinions...these usually very intellectual fabulous divas attacked these men like a pack of hyenas! It was almost as if they were attacking every failed relationship they've ever had.

I wish this was the first place I've seen this type of behavior from black women, but sadly it's not. I've seen black women go off on brothas in the club, on the sidewalk, in church, in the office, in any public or private place. I'm not saying this is the behavior of all black women. I myself am a black woman, and I'm not so ignorant that I would ascribe any one characteristic to an entire group. But I can't help but correlate a certain pattern of behavior that I've noticed on occasion.

Act like a lady - we should always. Think like a man - I'm really not sure what that means. I think he may be attributing having common sense with thinking like a man, and I just can't agree with that. Having said that, read the book with a man you respect and trust - if nothing else it'll be a fun discussion.

What I've Been Up To

I've been disgustingly absent for quite some time. I have attempted to write a post, and found myself with lots to think about and little to post into a blog. I looked over my post and noticed that much of what I have to say is whining. (I think this is true of many of the blogs out there...)

So, to celebrate my return to the wonderful world of blogdom, I've decided to highlight a few of the brighter aspects of my life.

1. Last weekend, my sweetie every so nicely and lovelingly squeezed the oils out of my nose and plucked the "hard-to-wipe" oils off of my nose with a tweezer.
- It's nice to know that there's someone who loves me enough. :)

2. This evening I saw the movie "Taking Pelham 123" (I hope that's right, but I'm afraid I'm too lazy to google the actual title...). At least I haven't been on a highjacked train!
- Dodging singing homeless people has been the worst of all my travels on the train.

3. Last weekend I saw "Up" in 3D...I've hadn't cried that hard since "Bambi".
- 3D has definitely improved since I was a kid.

4. The other day a kind old stranger gave me an "Energy" magazine. Inside of it were all of these pamphlets about quitting smoking.
- I guess he was tired of seeing the enjoyment I got out of my morning cigarette.

I'm sure I have more positive anecdotes to share...but I'm afraid that I'm tired. (My day starts in the wee hours of the morning.)

Having said that, I will retire for the evening.

- Ciao

Another Year Older

Yesterday was my birthday....so here's to me!

I Oughtta Be (and am) Ashamed of My Damn Self!

I haven't posted all month, and of course I am ashamed of myself. I promised myself I was going to write regularly and that I certainly wouldn't care if anyone read or not. I've allowed myself to get busy with life and have allowed this page to lapse.

Although I've failed to write, so many fabulous things have happened. I've given myself a spring makeover, and sexxed up my look. With the weather being so great, I've been going out more, and I haven't had the necessary depression that usually fuels this post. Ha!! Now you'll have to suffer through posts about sunshine and flowers, and the flirtacious smirks I've had to slap off unsuspecting strangers!

Have a Happy Sunday, and hopefully, I'll be back soon!

A Room of One's Own

It has been well chronicled in this blog my search for an apartment. Inasmuch as I am young, fabulous, and intelligently broke, my funds have only allowed me to look at rooms and studios (**what is a studio but a glorified room?). My search is drawing on empty, and I have to be out of this apartment on March 31st. Despite that fact, I have found time to get in some reading.

Recently I read a classic piece of feminist literature, A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolf. I enjoyed the book of course, and what a perfect time to have read this book. As I sort through my own male issues and read the issues that Woolf speaks of in the book, I found myself wishing that I could call Ms. Woolf, invite her for a coffee at Starbucks and show her the marvel (and catastrophe) of women today.

A lot of times, as women, we fail to truly appreciate how far our sex has come. How many options and choices we have now. I am a librarian...traditionally a woman's occupation...but I am studying to become a lawyer...traditionally a male occupation. I can shop at the best boutiques in New York and simultaneously have a vigorous political conversation - then go out and put the contents of that conversation into action. Reading how opinionated creative women have been driven to madness because they lacked the oppurtunities of men is so dismal a prospect; to say I'm overjoyed not to exist in that environment is an understatement.

Woolf's essay was seeking to address a group of women on the topic of, none else, but "Women in Fiction." Her advice: Write about something more serious than fiction; Don't let your sex dictate to you how you think and behave; and my favorite - All a woman needs is 500 a year and a room of one's own.

In her time, she was talking about 500 pounds a year, but we can say, for the new millenium, $500,000 a year. If I had $500,000 a year I could purchase many many rooms. I wouldn't even need that much, or even half! To be able to live in comfort without fear of roaches, rats, unsavory neighbors, and have the piece and tranquility that an ample bank account and comfortable surroundings provide would certainly be conducive to creative thinking, research, and philosophy.

All that I can sayis: I'm on my way. :)

What the Hell Have I Been Doing?

It is March 10, and I'm just now writing in this blog. The perfectionist in me has deleted every single post I've began since the last, and now I realize why so many blogs start then fail. I am at home, lazily writing this prose when I know good and blessed well I should be in class tonight...but I've played hooky to enjoy a nice relaxing night at home full of chores and cooking.

I bet you may be wondering how my apartment hunting is going.

Null and void.

I haven't found a damn thing, and right before I break into a full on anxiety attack...I think of something wonderful and continue on being fabulous. (For those of you who like drinking games: Chug-A-Lug.) With all of the news and happenings birthing and expiring on every single crevice of this planet, my world is sans report. It's as if I'm going through a spiritual, emotional, and financial lobotomy with every person in my life holding the scalpel and tweezers. The only thing that I'm subsisting on is thinking of pretty and shiny things. **Don't fault me for being vain, materialistic, and shallow...that's exactly why you are reading this post!

Now that I've broken March's verbal virginity...I can get back to doing little and enjoying a lot!

Black History Month

The month is almost over and I've finally decided to right something about it. I really just don't know how to fully articulate my argument, and have been debating within myself on just how to word what I have to say.

Black History Month.

So much history. Many times we only focus on the achievements. This month follows the Inauguration of the first black president, but there's still so much history to sift through. There's a new book out about how therapy is so long overdue for the black community. I'd thought this very point over for years. Culture is something that's passed down from one generation to another. We have inherited the good with the bad like DNA. As I look over my predominately black community I see the ills we like to banner with, "Get over it". But if black people can simply "Get Over" the past...why haven't we done it yet?

The fact that as a community we can't get over, what I feel, is a self hatred so deep it permeates into almost ever facet of our culture...I feel as though we should instead try and cure what ails. Well...what ails?

On Sunday I went to church and saw a delightful tribute to an organization of black youths who shouted in the middle of service, "I'm beautiful, I'm smart, I'm a strong black man, I'm a strong black women..." I teared up because it sounded as if they were trying to convince themselves instead of quietly and securely knowing that these affirmations were truths. Even I myself, as I try to further my education and climb the ranks of respectability grapple with these same things. I walk about with this quiet confidence even though each rejection shoots me like a bullet. Often times I want credit for good things done, even though society might label my personal achievments with mediocrity. As proud as I am of my achievements, and as much as I shouldn't give a damn what anyone else thinks, I do. At times I wish I were held to the same measure as others who've grown up secure in their own cultural identity, with mom and dad always there cheering their success. What to do. I must let go of my own personal history in order to reach a new one; a better one.

I have met many blacks who don't even like to talk about the negativity that somehow just can't be shaken from the American black experience. They just want to be seen as individuals as if history hasn't brought you up into this race to carry all of the burdens and gifts that come. So, as I continue to celebrate Black History, and ponder not only the achievments, but the work still needing to be done...I look at my own history and continue to clean all the messes that need to be addressed in my own life.